Recently, I’ve had a lot more free time in college. So logically, I chose to fill it with a productive activity, Pokémon Blue. I brought my Game Boy Color back with me and planned on enjoying it. It’s been maybe 10-11 years since I last played it, so I had no idea where I left off. I found out. Apparently, I have a level 71 Blastoise. Everything else is at least 40 levels below that. Seeing as I was only about 7 when I played this I have come to this conclusion: I was an idiot. Instead of utilizing strategy to pick out a strong, yet balanced, team of fighters, I instead decided to use my primary Pokémon to bash everything into the ground. Fire-type? No problem. Electric or Grass? I’ll just level my pokémon to the point where it one-shots those. I was apparently oblivious to all the strategy or even basic understanding of this game (Sure, my strategy worked but I could have been so much more productive and efficient). I’m sure all my friends knew. Heck, they probably memorized the list of what is effective against what. WHY WASN’T I THAT INTELLIGENT?!? It’s not even that. My “genius” goes further, about as far as a 7 year-old’s imagination can go… to the point of “naming one’s Pokémon”. Clearly this was my forté. Sure there are the simple names like “Charles” and “Jim” but I go beyond that. I got creative. Some are easy to figure out, like “Batty”. That was a Zubat. It gets better. Want to guess what “Sailor” is? Blastoise? Lapras? A water-type? No. IT IS A FREAKING SANDSHREW! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAVE POSSESSED ME TO NAME A GROUND-TYPE AFTER SOMETHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE WATER?!?! Mislabeling isn’t the only thing I’m pro at. How about “UVMNWVMNWV”? Have any clue? ME NEITHER! (It’s a Nidoran) Look, another one. “♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂” apparently means a Doduo. Honestly, I just found a cool looking symbol and spammed the “A” button. Here’s my favorite, ” “. There is nothing. Just a blank. Why would I ever think that would be funny and/or useful? And you know what? It’s ANOTHER NIDORAN! I have five of these things. Five! Sure I have a Hitmonchan, a Flareon, and a few others. All of them are untouched. No name changes, not leveled up, just there. Half my current team consists of level 10-somethings that are only there because I taught them some useful move, instead of teaching it to some pokémon that is slightly more competent. I’m in awe how I ever managed to beat the 8 gyms. Fortunately, I have yet to beat the Final Four; otherwise I’d be lost in a daze trying to comprehend how I managed to use one pokémon to defeat all four leaders. Having finished my tirade, I have come to one final realization: Perhaps I was not nearly as dumb as I appeared to be, but rather trolling at an extremely young age. Having discovered this, there is only one thing to do. Go back in time, finding myself and then smacking the ever living heck out of myself for wasting about 1 hour of my time. Sounds like a plan.